The ROOSTER NET 3.990 mhz
6:00am Everyday Eastern Time
The Lampshade and the Car Keys
I was in the Philadelphia area having lunch with two great Rooster friends, Jim-1 and the Super Chief Greg. Usually, I would not drive three hours just to have lunch; my hamness (cheapness) would not permit such a journey. But in this case, I had three missions to accomplish in one trip, so the three-hour journey seemed worth it. Besides, amateur radio moves on its stomach. First mission accomplished; I was having a great lunch with good friends.
My second mission was easy. I had to pick up an amplifier that Jim was testing for fellow Rooster, Doc Doolittle. The amplifier needed a ride to Doc’s house, so I was to be the delivery guy. Second mission accomplished; I got the amp from Jim and put it in my SUV.
Third mission: I was to visit a specialty lamp store and purchase a new lampshade for an antique floor lamp. I had brought the old lampshade with me, just to be sure I purchased the right thing. The good old boy at the lampshade store was an antique like my floor lamp. But he knew his stuff, and he had exactly what I needed. I bought a new lampshade and was all set to load both lampshades into my car. Unfortunately, I had the big amplifier and two big lampshades to fit in the back of my SUV. I needed to rearrange the contents of my cargo area to make everything fit.
I had to crawl into the back of my SUV to move everything around; I’m too short to just reach in. No problem, I got everything in place and crawled back out and closed the hatch. “Oh poop!” I said. I had just locked my car keys inside my car. I must have dropped them while crawling around inside the cargo area. Great going Einstein. I was locked out of my car in Philadelphia.
I called ON-Star, but they couldn’t open my car because I was too cheap to subscribe to their service – my hamness again. I called AAA, but they said it would take four hours to send a lock smith. That was too long to wait, and it sounded expensive anyway – more hamness.
So, I had to learn how to break into my car. Fortunately, I had left the car windows open about an inch. I tried the old coat hanger trick, but the old coat hanger trick didn’t work; the hanger was too flexible. I tried a yard stick, which I used to push the “unlock-door” button. But that did not work either; the car knew I was trying to break in and had disabled its own unlock switch. Apparently, the car was smarter than me. Finally, I tried a six-foot-long metal rod that I got from the lamp guy. I put it through the passenger window, stretched it across the inside of the car, and levered up on the mechanical locking knob on the driver’s-side door. “Click” – the door unlocked! I quickly opened the door, and instantly the theft alarm went off - Honk! Honk! Honk. . . Pedestrians and shop keepers alike came out to see who was stealing the Cadillac Escalade. I had to explain to everyone that it was my car, but I am not sure if any of them believed me. So, on hands and knees, I crawled over the seats and into the cargo area to retrieve my keys and stop the alarm – success at last. Well, I quickly jumped into the driver’s seat and got out of there before someone called the police. I am sure Officer Malone would have said, “Lock him up!” It was turning into a wonderful afternoon.
It really is a nice lampshade, and it fits very well.